I Saw Derek Kissing Santa Claus
by SinsofMidnight
Summary: The team is having a Christmas party, the punch is spiked, and Garcia is meddling, trying to give Reid and Morgan a very merry Christmas. This story is on CRACK, but it's all good. It's guyXguy, but there's a little random hetero kissing...


**Another of my EVIL CHRISTMAS PLOT BUNNY ATTACKS! ^^**

**This mostly ended up with only kisses and innuendo. There's a lot of crack involved, but it's all good, 'cause I wanted to make my plot run.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**I Saw Derek Kissing Santa Claus**

**_Fandom: _**_Criminal Minds_

**_Teaser:_**_ "Well, at least I distracted him from saying something along the lines of 'I saw Derek kissing Santa Claus.' "_

**_Inspiration:_**_ I hate Christmas parties, and someone should always spike the punch :P_

**_Rating:_**_ T_

**_Warnings:  
_**_-Crack  
-Relatively submissive Reid  
-Spiked punch  
-Mistletoe  
-Matchmaking  
-Garcia being Garcia_

**_Main Pairing: _**_Morgan/Reid_

**_Minor Pairings Mentioned:  
_**_-Hotch/Garcia_

**_Setting: _**_At the office :) Christmas Party _

**_POV: _**_Reid, Morgan, and Garcia_

**_Summary:_**_ The team is having a Christmas party, the punch is spiked, and Garcia is meddling, trying to give Reid and Morgan a very merry Christmas._

**_Additional ANs: _**_Life is always more interesting with spiked punch at holiday parties. Like any good Criminal Minds fangirl, I begin and end this one-shot with a quote :)_

* * *

**_Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times. ~Kate L. Bosher_**

* * *

_Morgan:_

_God, I hate Christmas parties,_ I thought to myself, surveying the room. _This one just not for the normal reasons._

The team was more like family than coworkers, so we'd decided to have a Christmas party this year. We drew names out of a hat –Gideon's, actually- to decide who would get a present for whom. Unfortunately, one person –Reid- ended up with his own name. Before a solution could be found, Reid stopped all protest with a half-raised hand. "I'll just have to do something special, then," he'd told us, a smile quirking at his full lips.

"Something special." Somehow, I never pictured this.

Reid had decorated the office for Christmas during the short two hours he'd sent us all home for. He'd done a great job –not really surprising, I guess, since he _is_ a genius- and he'd even put up a tree. Somewhere along the way, he'd donned a Santa costume, and he looked so cute that the women had surrounded him. Garcia was all over him, actually, and it was bugging the hell out of me. But he was laughing good-naturedly and smiling his sweet little smile, so I guess it was okay.

I wasn't going to lie to myself anymore on the topic of Spencer Reid. He was… distracting in the best of times. There was something about the way he smiled that made my heart stop. Yes, I am aware I'm starting to sound like a teenage girl.

Music was playing softly in the background, a familiar tune I couldn't quite place. I moved toward the surrounded Santa, wondering how best to free him up. I finally decided. "Would you like to dance, baby girl?" I asked, smiling at her when her eyes widened at my request.

"I'd love to dance," she replied breathily.

I extended my hand to her, and she placed hers in mine. Drawing her into my arms and further from the group, we danced around the some-what cleared room.

"You realize that Reid is probably so jealous now."

I smiled. "There's no way." Garcia was probably the only person that knew how I felt about him. "He'd have to be at least bi for that to happen."

She smiled softly. "Well, you did ask me to dance with you to 'All I Want for Christmas is You'."

Ah, the song I knew I knew, but couldn't place. Somewhere, some ancient god of irony was laughing at me. "You mean I should have asked him to dance instead?" I asked.

She laughed. "No, I mean I think he'd rather be all you want for Christmas."

I kissed her forehead. "I think you have too much imagination in that pretty head of yours."

"Then he would have kissed me back when I kissed him," she retorted tauntingly.

"Baby girl, don't joke about things like that," I growled out.

A smiled worked across her lips. "But don't you want to go after the a-dork-able genius now?"

I shook my head. Garcia's logic was usually circular or end-justifies-means, and either way, trying to follow it made my head hurt.

* * *

_Reid:_

I really should have made sure they didn't spike the punch. If Prentis kissed me one more time, I was going to scream. Or shoot her. Actually, the second option was sounding better and better.

It didn't help that Morgan and Garcia were dancing, talking quietly. As irrational as it was, it annoyed me. As irrational as it was, I found myself liking Derek Morgan more and more everyday.

I felt slender arms twine around me. I glanced over to see straight, long platinum blond hair. "What's wrong, Reid?" JJ asked.

_How would I explain this? How do I say 'I might be gay, but only for Morgan'?_ So instead of saying anything, I simply shrugged.

She smiled gently. "It's clearly not 'nothing'. And judging by the way you were looking at Morgan, I'd say it has something to do with him."

"I'm dealing with inner turmoil," I replied vaguely.

She smiled at that. "That's one thing to call it." She kissed my cheek and let me go. "I've gotta go. But you did a great job."

I watched her leave, knowing that sanity had probably evacuated the building with her. Hotch and Gideon were still here, true, but there was something about JJ that leveled us off or mellowed us out.

"Doc, what's the matter?" asked the familiar voice I'd been longing to hear all night.

I turned to look at Morgan. He somehow looked decadent in black. There was something about his coffee-colored skin that made me want to touch him. "Nothing's the matter. JJ just had to leave, is all." I made it sound like she was called away, but we all knew she was going home to her family.

He had an unreadable expression on his face. He opened his mouth to say something, but he never got the chance.

"Reid, come dance with me," the voluptuous Penelope Garcia ordered, softening it with a smile. She had dressed to match her seasonally vivid red streaks in her hair.

I smiled. "Sure, Garcia." I let her lead me to the middle of the room by the hand. "I know you like more… modern dance, but is there a more classical style you like?"

"Why, Reid, I though you'd never ask. I'd love to tango." Her bright smile could light up a room.

I returned a small smile. "Good, because I'm really bad at the other," I commented, drawing her closer, starting to move the way my feet recalled better than my head.

She laughed, a hearty, cheerful sound. "I had a feeling. But you tango remarkably well."

I smiled again. The dance was sensuous, risqué, and all together fun. We danced in silence for a few moments.

"Reid?" she asked almost hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"Do you like Morgan? As more than a friend, I mean." She was twirling her hair around her finger nervously.

I stared at her, dumbfounded. I'd hidden it rather well, I liked to think. Well, none of the guys had picked up on it, anyway. "You caught me."

She smiled wickedly. "So I wasn't imagining things. Good to know."

I blushed, feeling my cheeks burn.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of. Face it, the man is _hot_."

I nodded my agreement.

"So, are you thinking about making a move?" She smirked as she asked.

"Not really, but there is some mistletoe around." I smiled at her, noticing the song was ending.

When it ended, she smiled at me. "Aww, now I'm sad, 'cause it's over." She tugged me toward the refreshment table and the mistletoe that was hung there, refusing to let go of my hand.

"Garcia, what are you doing?" I asked as she drew closer again.

She slid her arms around my neck, tugging my lips down close to hers as she made sure Morgan was watching. "Making Morgan insanely jealous."

"Wha-"

She kissed me, smothering my question before it could even fully escape my mouth. She was aggressive and quicker than I'd expected. In a moment, she'd tongued the seam of my lips, asking for entry, which I gave, wondering if what she said was true. The first thing I noticed when she slid her tongue into my mouth was that she tasted sweet, like fruit punch and rum. The second thing was that she was a very talented kisser, running her tongue along my teeth and drawing my tongue into a dance that echoed our earlier tango. We separated, breathing hard, faces flush with color.

"If you didn't want Morgan, I would totally jump you," she remarked breathily. "Seriously, where'd you learn to kiss that way?"

After glancing over to see Morgan staring at us, agape, I leaned in and brushed a lighter kiss across her lips. "Practice."

She blushed. "Why, Spencer, it sounds like you're flirting with me."

"Do you want me to be flirting with you, Penelope?" I returned. I gave her a hug. _If I hadn't been so captivated by Morgan, I probably would have been captivated by her._

* * *

_Morgan:_

They were trying to kill me.

That was the only explanation I could come up with. First, they danced the most indecent tango I'd ever seen. Then she kissed him. And, of course, it _had_ to be one of those hot, deep ones. _Baby girl, what are you doing?_ I wondered. _You know how I get when it comes to him!_

Seeing him kissing her had given me quite a jolt, especially considering he was rather actively kissing her back. Prentis was also staring, then murmured something under her breath. Then my gaze slid up to see the mistletoe hung above them. _Mistletoe means you're supposed to kiss, not play tonsil hockey._

Garcia looked up and shot me a wicked smile that said 'If you don't snatch him up now, I'll take him'.

Reid was smiling at her, tucking her hair behind her ear. _Oh my God, I am so jealous of that piece of hair. And this is getting ridiculous._

I glanced over and snagged Reid's gaze. He said something to Garcia, his eyes still trained on mine. Her head moved, then she slid her arms around his neck and drew him down to kiss his cheek. He smiled and kissed the top of her head. Then he drew out of her arms and headed toward Gideon's office.

I trailed after him, wondering how to tell him.

* * *

_Reid:_

It seemed that Garcia had been right. So I'd decided upon leading him away from the group. Of course, I decided on Gideon's office as a destination because of the mistletoe I'd hung in the basic vicinity. He followed me slowly, and we stood by the desk.

"So…?" I asked him, since he had been the one who'd wanted to talk to me separately.

He didn't speak for a moment. "So, Garcia was meddling."

"Yeah," I replied.

"And she danced with you and kissed you to make me jealous."

"I believe she said something along those lines before she kissed me.

"Fuck," he murmured. Then he slammed his lips against mine in a bruising kiss.

I moaned into his mouth and slid my arms around him, pulling him closer. He licked the seam of my lips gently, and I opened to his request, eager to know his taste. He slid his tongue against mine, touched every tooth, and otherwise explored my mouth while I lost myself in his dark, decadent taste, responding to him hungrily. I drew back, blushing furiously, breathing hard. I looked at him, tracing his features with my gaze for a moment before I kissed him, his mouth open beneath mine. I slid my tongue into his mouth, learning the inside of his mouth by touch, learning what he liked and what he didn't.

We drew back mutually for a breath, then came back together, my hands running down his chest, then under his shirt and back up again to trace the muscled planes and find his sensitive spots. _All these years of holding back to find out he felt the same way._ I had a feeling that thought also echoed in his head. When he could form coherent thoughts, anyway. And it wasn't like I could either, most of the time.

* * *

_Garcia:_

My two favorite boys had disappeared from the party, and I had a feeling they were together. So I crept back in the same direction I'd seen them take, toward Gideon's office, my inner shonnen-ai fangirl screaming at me to hurry.

Creeping up to the window, I got quite an eye full. Morgan and Reid were making out, Reid's hands under Morgan's shirt, Morgan's hand in Reid's hair. I couldn't see what Morgan's other hand was doing, but I had a feeling I didn't want to know.

However, the picture they made, the sharp contrast of chocolate skin and creamy white skin, was, well, _hot_.

"Garcia, have you seen Morgan? Gideon wanted to-" Hotchner started, but stopped when he was what the object of his search was doing.

"I think he's a bit occupied, Hotch," I returned, glancing up to see mistletoe hanging over our heads. I felt a smile pull at my lips. Morgan and Reid were in the holiday spirit, so why not join them? "Hey, we're under mistletoe," I told him, twining my arms around his neck slowly and pulling his lips down to mine.

He made a startled sound, but began to relax into me. I ran my tongue along where his lips met, requesting the chance to taste him, which he replied to by simply opening to me. I smiled. He tasted like Irish coffee and man. I was pretty sure he hadn't kissed or been kissed since his separation, but it seemed he was a fabulous enough kisser that he could melt my knees even then. I slid my hand into his soft brown hair and held him to me. We pulled apart when we needed air.

"Garcia…?" he asked softly, a dazed look in his eyes.

"I think you should call me Penelope," I returned, smiling softly back at him. Well, at least I distracted him from saying something along the lines of 'I saw Derek kissing Santa Claus.'

"Then maybe you should call me Aaron," he returned, claiming my mouth again with a gentle kiss.

I smiled, feeling the chemistry spark between us. So Morgan got Santa for Christmas, and it appeared I was getting Aaron Hotchner. Aaron with his hot, sweet kisses… day-um, I was going to have a happy holiday!

* * *

**_Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love! ~Hamilton Wright Mabie_**

* * *

**Okay, so I did warn that there was crack involved… What can I say, someone spiked the Christmas punch ^^**

**And seriously, it would take a meddler to get those two together…**

**Sorry this was posted after Christmas, but I didn't have access to wi-fi prior to or during Christmas.**

_**Please REVIEW and MAKE ME HAPPY! XD**_


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